9. Identifying Friend and Enemy

 

In the Gita, Lord Krishna says you are your own friend, and you are your own enemy. The following story of the trapped monkey illustrates it well.

 Some nuts are kept in an earthen pot with a narrow mouth (surahi) in which the monkey’s hand barely fits. The monkey inserts its hand by squeezing through the mouth of the pot and grabs a fistful of nuts. As the fist is full, its size increases and so it can’t come out of the pot. The monkey makes all sorts of efforts to get the closed fist out of the pot. It keeps thinking that someone has laid a trap for it but fails to realise that the trap was set by itself. No amount of explanation would convince the monkey to let go of these nuts, instead, it would think that we are trying to grab them.

From the outside, it seems quite simple that the monkey just needs to drop a couple of nuts to loosen its grip so that its hand can come out. But it is a challenge to realise this simple fact especially when we are trapped. 

In life, we encounter so many similar traps. Those nuts are nothing but I, Me, My and Mine; ahankaar binds our hands to them. The Gita repeatedly tells us, in so many ways, to let go of ahankaar so that we are free of these traps, thus leading to ultimate freedom.

Krishna says, “Let man lift himself by himself, let him not lower himself; his own self is his bandhu (friend/relative), his own self is his enemy” (6.5). Once we befriend ourselves, the natural consequence is that the entire world becomes our friend as we shed prejudices and judgements.

It is about overcoming the sense of inadequacy we feel about ourselves by embracing our perfections as well as imperfections. These could be our physical appearance, emotional imbalance, chequered past, educational or economic status or pleasant and unpleasant situations faced by us. When we are friends with ourselves, there is no place for loneliness which is the main reason for depression, anger and addiction to substances or screens. This helps us remain joyful without depending on anyone, especially when one approaches old age.