111. Befriending Self

Krishna says, “Let man lift himself by himself, let him not lower himself; his own self is his bandhu (friend/relative), his own self is his enemy” (6.5). There are many dimensions to this existential verse.

Firstly, this fixes the responsibility on each of us to lift ourselves. The usual tendency is to blame someone else like family, friends, co-workers, circumstances, working conditions, country etc. or even blame ourselves when karmas are performed which are either labelled as bad or haven’t given the desired karma-phal (fruits of action). This leads to many deep-rooted grudges and bitterness against others, sometimes lasting for a lifetime.

On the other hand, whenever our memory reminds us of our regrets, we punish ourselves repeatedly with guilt. Whatever the circumstances may be, this verse tells us to lift ourselves. Krishna earlier assured that the teacher (guru) manifests to help us when we develop the three qualities of prostration, questioning and service (4.34).

Secondly, it is about overcoming the sense of inadequacy we feel about ourselves by embracing our perfections as well as imperfections. These could be our physical appearance, emotional imbalance, chequered past, educational or economic status or pleasant and unpleasant situations faced by us.

Thirdly, when we are friends with ourselves, there is no place for loneliness which is the main reason for depression, anger and addiction to substances or screens. This helps us remain joyful without depending on anyone, especially when one approaches old age. 

Finally, it’s about living a balanced life by taking care of ourselves physically, mentally, socially and spiritually so that each aspect of life is well tended to.

Once we befriend ourselves, the natural consequence is that the entire world becomes our friend as we shed prejudices and judgements. Resultantly, we become friends to the entire world.


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